My Boys Are Third Culture Kids
I grew up in a home where, when I was born, I was brought home to the house where I would spend my entire childhood. I went to preschool with the same children I attended elementary, middle, and high school with. When it was time for me to go to college, I decided I would “go away” to college. “Going away” meant I would be 3 hours away from home. I had no idea this small-town girl would go on and raise three boys overseas as Third Culture Kids. Let me explain.
Third-Culture Kids, or TCKs, are children raised in a culture other than their parents. For example, it’s raising American children and moving them to Europe for many years. It’s children that look, talk, and sometimes act just like Americans, but they haven’t lived in The United States for many years. These children are rare, often children of Diplomats and Military brats.
The first time we moved overseas was in 2016. It was our move to Slovenia; it was my first time leaving The United States, my first time owning a passport, and my first international airplane ride! (Small town girl) At the time, we had two children, who were 4 and 18 months old. We packed our bags and moved to Slovenia for a year. My entire family experienced culture shock for the first time, but what I learned in that one year would forever change the way that I would parent my children. My children got to experience a new culture as 4-year-olds and 18-month-olds, something that I was unable to experience until I was 29; it was something that I wish I had the opportunity to experience as a child.
My children learned a new language, and I signed them up for public preschool in Slovenia. They weren’t even in Slovenia for a week and were signed up for preschool. Within just a couple of weeks, our four-year-old started speaking Slovene. As a parent, I got to experience preschool in a European country, which was much different than what I was used to. I remember one winter day, at the Christmas market in the city center of Ljublijana, I heard a little voice say, “Hi, Mom.” I looked behind me, and it was my oldest son! The preschool had taken a walk into the city, and the teachers had allowed my 4-year-old to walk over to me and say hello. He was dressed in his yellow school vest and his teachers were just across the way with the rest of the children holding on to their walking rope. You would not see this in The United States, but I was so happy to have him experience this preschool culture and allow him to learn his way around the city in a safe environment.
We were only in Slovenia for a year, but that was not the end of our children’s Third Culture; it was just the beginning. In 2019, we welcomed our third son and learned we would move to Lithuania for three years. We packed our bags again and moved to Lithuania. We were still trying to figure out what to expect; none of us had been to Lithuania (all we knew was it was cold and dark, but that was about it!) When we arrived, I knew I needed local support, so I hired a part-time nanny to help me figure out life with children in Lithuania. That was the best decision; our nanny was able to help me figure out daycare for our youngest son, who was only four months old when we arrived; she told me where to buy baby food and supplies and answered all my questions about Lithuania. She was a blessing and helped us adapt to our lives in another culture.
My older children started to attend an American International school full of children from all over the world. I loved that! My children had friends from literally every country in the world. My middle son came home saying hello in different languages he had learned from his friends at school. Our oldest son was invited to birthday parties by children from the Middle East, Asia, and South America. They both got to experience what birthday parties look like for other children in other countries. Our youngest son started Lithuanian preschool, and Lithuanian became his first language; he started speaking English fluently when he was three.
Our children live a fantastic life overseas and have gotten to see and do things that children their ages in The United States will never experience.
However, they need help with the question of where their home is. When you ask my children, “What state are you from?” They’ll look at you with a blank stare, or they’ll automatically tell you, “The United States.” My youngest son once told someone, “I’m from Earth.” My children have never lived in a state longer than two years. My oldest son, now twelve, left the United States when he was 6-years-old, and his last memory of living in the United States was in California.
A funny Third Culture Kid story (I have so many) is when my mom came to visit, and was talking about Costco; my oldest son was sitting at the dinner table with us when we were talking about Costco, and he looked at us both and said, “What is Costco?” Another funny story was we returned to The United States for two weeks, and I told my husband, “I wanted to go to Sonic and get a Cherry Limeade,” my middle son said, “What’s Sonic?” It’s little things like this that make you realize that you’re raising a Third Culture Kid who is growing up right in the middle of different cultures, and it can be hard for them to find exactly where they belong.
My family and I plan on moving back to The United States in a few years, and I often wonder how my children will adjust. I love The United States and everything it has to offer. I imagine they’ll have a little catching up to do with their fellow Americans on American culture, but my Third Culture Kids will have so much more to share with their friends and everything they’ve learned while living overseas the last decade.